


Fragmentation

by ganymedejam



Category: Apex Legends (Video Games)
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Romance, F/M, Freeform, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, Pre-Canon, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-14
Updated: 2020-05-15
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:35:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,164
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24188254
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ganymedejam/pseuds/ganymedejam
Summary: 2420: The first year that Revenant was uploaded to his first shell. 2413: Hammond Robotics partners with the Mercenary Syndicate for the "Handler" program, which would provide valuable analytical data for the future Simulacrum experiments.Live. Die. Live again. Die again. Over and over. How long has it been? How many times can memory data be uploaded into a new shell until it starts to fragment and become meaningless? Pieces of memories that surface every now and then on the rare occasion that the rage is quiet.Freeform structure. A collection of moments between Revenant and his "shadow." Rev might be OOC? Rated for possible future content, and more tags to be added with new chapers.
Relationships: Revenant (Apex Legends)/Original Character(s)
Kudos: 10





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> This has not been proofread, and I have not written fic in YEARS! I just started playing Apex back in March but the characters in this game really make me feel some kind of way.
> 
> Prologue for strange thoughts about how and why Revenant became a Simulacrum, leading up to 2420 where the lore states that his brain, central nervous system, and spinal cord is first linked to the shell. Obviously NOT canon. Very basic details of the "Handler" program. I have yet to decide what the Handler actually looks like besides being a WOC, mixed Japanese descent.

“Don’t need one.” Revenant replied dryly, squaring his shoulders and clasping his hands behind his back.

The man seated before him--Revenant’s mission contractor, “Osprey”--grinned knowingly, “Yes. You _are_ the Syndicate’s ‘ _Golden Boy_ ’, after all. Not saying that you need one--a handler. Just saying that this is… something that we’re experimenting with with all of our agents.”

“‘ _Handler_ ’ implies that I need to be babied.”

Osprey sighed and rolled his eyes in annoyance. “Semantics. We can come up with a better name for it. You’ll just be having someone running point for you.”

“Watching me, more like.”

“ _Watching_ you is only a part of it to help us build this algorithm. AI can only do so much. It can’t spit out results unless we know what to tell it. This is ‘ground-up’ experimentation.” Osprey rose, waving his hand dismissively. He turned to Revenant and flashed a smile, “We’re heading into something extraordinary. I can feel it.”

Osprey stepped over to the wall-mounted touchscreen and brought up the handler’s profile. “They’ll be watching, yes. Understanding how you fight. What methods you prefer. Assist with equipment R&D.” He used his fingertips to scroll through the various pages of data. “ _And_ accompany you during missions. Rest assured that they are more than qualified to be there.”

Revenant looked at the screen critically as the Handler’s photo flashed across the screen. Osprey continued, “I’ll send their profile to you shortly. Do be nice. They’re on loan from Hammond, and we would like this partnership to work well.”

The assassin nodded at Osprey and turned to leave the room, “As long as they stay out of my way.”


	2. Dialogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dialogue only chapter. Part of the conversation between the shadow and Revenant when they first meet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The shadow is called "32940", her Hammond ID, since she hasn't decided on an alias yet. Forgive the possible OOC Revenant. It's a bit hard to tell what human!Revenant is like when the present one is so... abrasive (for the lack of a better word).

**32940** : So you hate ‘Handler’?

**Revenant** : Yes.

**32940** : Good. I hate it too, but I don’t have anything better. Teammate?

**Revenant:** Ugh.

**32940:** Partner.

**Revenant:** Not even _close_.

**32940** : Aaaaah-ssociate.

**Revenant:** What are we? Department store lackeys?

**32940** : Wow, way to dunk on retail. 'bots have feelings too. Emissary. [pause] Wait no, that's dumb.

**Revenant:** Dumb.

**32940** : Eeeehh.. Envoy. No. Ew.

**Revenant:** Also stupid, yes.

**32940:** Work. With. Me. It's only gonna get stupider. _Kouhai_?

**Revenant:** Stop.

  
  


**32940** : Ha, so you know what that means!

**Revenant:** What?

**32940:** Nevermind. Old school cool? Quartermaster.

**Revenant:** Hate it. We don’t need to call it anything.

**32940** : So just aliases?

**Revenant:** Yes.

**32940:** Rev? Maybe?

**Revenant:** ... I _guess_. Maybe. If you don’t piss me off.

**32940** : This first conversation is going well. … I was called by a number at Hammond: three-two-nine-four-zero. I don’t have an alias.

**Revenant:** Figure one out then. We don’t use real names, and I’m not calling you a number, especially one that's so long.

**32940** : I shall decide on one that you approve of, my liege!

**Revenant:** Are you really bowing now? Really? You think you’re funny, huh?

**32940** : Kind of. You look very regal in all that red. You look like the type of guy that wants to be called 'master.'

**Revenant:** Excuse me?

**32940:** Chill. I’m just being condescending.

**Revenant:** There’s a far better word for it.

**32940** : There’s a lot of words that I’m sure you’d like to call me. I didn’t ask for this either. Let’s play nice to appease the bosses.

**Revenant:** For now.

**32940** : Right. Dinner time, yes? Please?

**Revenant:** You buyin’?

**32940** : If it means you’ll be a little less hangry at me, I’ll buy whatever the hell you want.-- Don’t you fake swoon at me!

**Revenant:** What can I say? Love being wined and dined.

**32940** : I’m buying means that I get to pick. Someplace that has warm _sake_.

**Revenant:** Oh, that’s a bit bold. You want me to be more than a 'little less hangry' towards you.

**32940** : I want you to be.. 'cozy.’ From the looks of it, you’d best stop digging your heels. I’m supposed to be shadowing you from now on.


	3. Seen (and he doesn't like it)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Memory fragment of a post-mission interaction between Revenant and the shadow. A bit too friendly, a bit too close now. Comfort in the routine makes Rev a bit careless. That just piles on the worry. Two emotionally repressed hitmen have a difficult time talking about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So far, this is what I have for the shadow (age 32): She assigned herself the name "Tsubaki" after the Japanese camellia, from old (very old) family crest of a camellia flower in rippling water. Incidentally, the flower means either "love" or "to die a noble death"/"to die gracefully." She named herself this as kind of a tongue-in-cheek thing because no assassin ever dies gracefully, and the color fits well with Rev's red motif.
> 
> The pacing isn't great in this one. I feel like they would have been caught before they could finish this whole interaction. Just assume that the area had been completely cleared.

The taste of copper coated his teeth, and the right side of his face stung from the slide across the pavement. He growled in annoyance and sat up to pull a handkerchief out of his breast pocket and began dabbing at the blood now weeping from the scratches. Revenant inclined his head towards the sound of sniper rounds ripping through the air. Not long after, his partner, codenamed “ _Tsubaki_ ”, grappled down from a nearby rooftop with a sniper rifle slung across her back.

She bent down next to him and examined his face, “Wow. You weren’t kidding when you told me you ate shit.” She pulled out some medical wipes from her backpack and handed them over, and Revenant resumed cleaning his face up.

“Fucking…. _fuck_ ruined my new fucking suit.” He gestured at the ripped up forest green silk suit he wore and shot her an incredulous look. “Yeah, I ate shit. He tried to run me over with his car. Even _after_ I had put five bullets in him.”

“Must’ve been high on stims or something.” She opened up another pack of wipes, pushing his hand away so she could get at the spots that he missed. “How’d he catch you off guard like that? I wasn’t watching you this time.”

Revenant winced in discomfort as a piece of gravel scraped across his skin after being dislodged by the wipe. He mumbled something incoherent.

“Trying to act cool?” she teased. He glared, which only made her laugh. “Rev, don’t get mad. You’re fine. Your lip looks tore up though.” Tsubaki gestured to him, silently asking permission to touch there. He nodded at her, and she slid her hand beneath his chin to gently tilt his head up while she cleaned his mouth up. It took a couple minutes to get rid of the pieces of pavement still latched to his skin.

  
  


“Where do you go…,” she said quietly, giving him a puzzled look, and Revenant wasn’t sure if that was a statement or a question she actually wanted him to answer.

“What?”

Tsubaki ran her thumb carefully across his bottom lip to the corner of his mouth to wipe away the blood smudged there, still looking at him in that same way. Something inside him twisted uncomfortably. He didn’t like the look; he didn’t like her wondering anything about him.

“ _What?_ ” he repeated. She suddenly shifted her gaze, now seemingly intent on looking anywhere else besides his eyes now.

“Sometimes…” she hesitated, trying to formulate her thoughts in a way that made sense, “Sometimes you kind of get lost in it, like hyper-focused. Feral, I guess? And sometimes that means that you slip up like this. So where do you go?”

Tsubaki fished out a water bottle from her pack and handed it over to him. Revenant took a sip, swished the water around in his mouth to wash away the taste of blood, then spit off to the side. He gulped down about half the bottle before handing it back over to her. He stood up slowly, then offered his hand to help her up. “That’s not something I really ruminate on.” 

Her hand clasped his wrist and she rose to stand with him. Revenant immediately took his hand away once she was on her feet, nodding his head in the direction their transport was parked to signal that it was time to go.

She brushed the dirt off her knees and followed him. They strolled in silence until they reached the car, and she continued, “I wasn’t watching. I should’ve been.”

“You were busy with the others. I heard the shots. You don’t need to be observing me all the time. You did your job.”

She stopped walking, her boots stomping to a halt. “Can you just NOT be dismissive about it? I was assigned to you to help you. Like it or not, I have to reign you in because sometimes you get WAY too cocky with the carnage that you don’t give a shit about being safe.”

“It’s just a _scuff_ , 'baki. We’ve both been through worse.” Revenant raked a hand through his hair and sighed. “What are you actually angry about?”

“I don’t know.”

“Bullshit.”

“Don’t blow up my coms like that again. I thought bad something happened, but you ended up just bitching about how your suit got wrecked.”

Revenant scoffed at her, shooting her a sidelong gaze. “That’s not what you’re pissed off about.” He triggered the key fob to the car, and the doors silently slid open. He climbed into the driver’s seat while she stowed her gear in the storage compartment and plopped unceremoniously into the passenger seat next to him, glaring daggers at him.

“I’m pissed off because you let him nearly splat you with his car.” Tsubaki paused, and he knew that she was about to say something that would upset him. “Go on, rail me.” he said mockingly.

“It’s … not just this one. There’s been a few assignments before that I noticed, and yeah I didn’t say anything then. I think you’re getting careless because you know I’m there.”

Revenant visibly bristled at her words, “You think I’m getting soft.”

She noticed the tension but chose to not acknowledge it. “Not ‘soft.’ Maybe too comfortable. It’s been, what? Almost two years since the Handler program started? And much to my surprise, we’ve gotten along well since then.” He drummed his fingers on the center console, tilting his head and raising his eyebrows at her to tell her wordlessly to get to the point.

“Keep focused. I don’t know how long this project will last. We won’t always be together so we won’t be able to rely on each other as safety nets.” Tsubaki looked down at her hands, now examining the faint smears of blood on her fingertips from earlier. Revenant clicked his tongue and stared out at the horizon through the windshield, the city before them glowing in the twilight.

“It’s my job.” she continued, “I spend hours mapping out your every move with all the footage I get. Tracing everything to feed into the algorithm. Looping. Pausing. Over and over, like having the same song stuck in my head every day. And I _see_ you, and I don’t know how you’re not already dead from drowning in that passionate violence.” She reaches out and shoves him gently, “You stress me the fuck out.”

Revenant’s mouth curled in a slightly amused grin and turned to look at her, “Oh the fear of being _known_ by someone else. That’s awful. Makes my skin crawl.”

“Shut up. Don’t be stupid about it.” she replied, shifting in her seat and crossing her arms, clearly annoyed. He was silent for a long while, just watching her and thinking about the things she’d previously said. She realized that he wasn’t making any move to depart so she looked up at him and ended up catching his gaze. Revenant’s blue eyes flickered to look away for a split-second before focusing on her again.

  
  


“Does it really matter?” he asked her in a surprisingly caring tone.

“I don’t know… maybe? Yes?”

“Careful.” Revenant said quietly, and she didn’t know if he was saying that to her or himself. Truth be told, he didn’t know either. Yet another pregnant silence between them. The uncomfortable feeling churned inside him again. Concern? Regret? Some kind of emotion he hadn’t been familiar with for a long time.

He sighed, exasperated. “We’ve never talked about these things before.”

“No. We haven’t.”

  
“Is it helpful?”

“Insomuch that you are fine with talking about it.”

“How diplomatic.” he replied and let out a low chuckle. Tsubaki smiled in return and said, “Nah. If you didn’t want to talk about it then you’d resist it.”

“You’d blow up anyway if you let it stew.”

“Stop doing dumb shit then I wouldn’t have to yell at you.”

The churning feeling. _Again_. It’s wriggling around so much that he’s nearly cold-sweating. Some kind of thought that keeps dancing at the tip of his tongue, locked behind his set jaw and clenched teeth. Rattling in the cage, desperate to be heard. His tongue darts out to wet his lips and thinks for a moment before saying something that needed saying. The tip of the iceberg of the lots of “somethings” that he was sure that she would like to hear but didn’t want to tell her now, or maybe ever.

“If I fall into the deep, will you cover me?” He turned to her fully, looking her straight in the eyes with an expression she hadn’t yet seen from him. Intense, searching for something meaningful--as if putting that old adage to work: eyes being windows to the soul.

Tsubaki dared not break eye contact despite being unfathomably uncomfortable about being put on the spot like that.

“I’ll cover you.” she said, quietly. He nodded, peering down at her hands resting in her lap. He reached over with his right hand and ghosted his fingertips across hers, specifically touching the parts that were still tinged pink with his dried blood.

“Don’t worry, then. I’ve got your back.”


End file.
